Merry Christmas, Our Girl!

As I post this I can't believe it is Christmas Day and you aren't here with us. I remember last Christmas like it was yesterday. That was the day I heard the Lord really speak to my heart that our child is in Ethiopia. I had no way of knowing who you were, how this would work, and how long this would take. I just knew it was true. The story of how you came into our lives is an ongoing miracle story. I can't wait to shower you in the love that God has placed in our hearts just for you and tell you of our God's amazing works.
I don't know exactly where you are right now. I don't know your precise circumstances. This is really hard for me. Yet the pain I am experiencing as your mommy-to-be can not be compared to what you have experienced in your little life already. Little girl, I know you may be afraid and I know you may be confused. If I could take this cup from you, I would- in a second. However, this is your story with the Lord and He will craft it the way He knows is best. My prayer is that you feel His care and protection even now, on this day. My prayer is that your heart can rest in His peace, even though you can't fully understand your situation. My prayer is that our Lord will put us together soon and that we can work these things out together, as a family. Because that is what all of this is about- we will be your forever family and you will not walk through this life alone. I love you so very much. -Your mommy


Praise you, Father, for the perfect sacrifice of Jesus. May we honor You all of our days for the gift of your undeserved grace!!

A New Day

Well, I've been down and out for quite a while. I think I've said this before, but it has made it easier all these long months of waiting to just keep this adoption tucked within my heart than to constantly talk about it. It is never far from my thoughts but, somehow, to talk about it brings more pain than anything. I know I am a bummer most of the time on this blog, but I'm just being real. I apologize if I depress you with my thoughts, but that's just where I've been most of the time during this journey: pensive, concerned, eager, disappointed, contemplative, etc. However, there have been many joys also. The two biggest joys have been to see the way this adoption and the subsequent journey have changed my family and also to see children being united with their forever families! I can not wait until the day I not only see a picture of my child(ren) but hold her/them as well. It seems so close, yet so far away.
We've now crossed into the realm of possiblity of referral with our 7 months waiting mark. Note I did not say probability. :) It feels very scary and exhilirating and surreal all at the same time.
I do want to note one thing that I have not shared so far. Our family has a heart for older children. From the beginning, we desired to adopt older children for one simple reason: not many people do. These are precious souls waiting and waiting and waiting for a mom and dad to change thier lives and give them a family and a home. We are young, however. And we have young kids as well. These two factors are actually considered "red flags" for our social worker and agency. I understand why: a lot can be messed up when you mess with birth order and you have two young parents navigating the rough waters. Not to over-simplify, though, but we feel that with God all things are possible. All He needs is willingness and obedience and He can do what man can not. That being said, we want to watch for God's guidance because we fully believe that He has already chosen the children who will be ours. Please pray for us as we walk this journey of faith. We can not do it alone. Thank you.

When Faith is Lived

I rarely post theological musings on this blog for two main reasons: 1.) It is intended to be an adoption blog informing our friends and family about our journey. 2.) I am not qualified, nor do I believe you, dear reader, would be interested in, my theological beliefs! :) Because, however, I am a Christian who endeavors to live incarnationally, my theology is part of who I am and all I do. I'm telling you honestly, this adoption journey has rocked my theological world. If you ever want to test what you're really made of, take this journey!
I have learned a lot about myself in the past year, and most of it hasn't been pretty. I'm pretty selfish, autonomous to a fault yet strangely needy simultaneously, cowardly, and fake, to name a few. I have been ashamed of myself throughout this process, as the Lord exposed these and other sins in my heart and mind.
The bright side? As I have decreased, the Lord has increased within me. He didn't leave me exposed and hopeless. He continues to redeem my weaknesses and change me (slowly but surely) into a person reflecting more of Him.
The Lord has changed the direction of this adoption so many times: breaking down racial barriers, timing issues, financial roadblocks, pre-conceived notions, and "family planning" norms! In other words, He has left us in the dark but for a small candle to see what's right in front of us and no more! That probably doesn't sound too theologically correct, but it is. The Lord has not given us a "buffet" of options layed out appealingly before us, and set us free to choose as our hearts desire. My hunch is that He is aware that we would muck it up big time if He did! From the choosing of our agency, to the choosing of our program, to the choosing of our age range, to the choosing of our number of children, to the choosing of it all, He has said "Yield!" He has thrown us so many curveballs, that I get dizzy thinking about it. At times, we have been like the disciples, crying "Increase our faith!" because it is scary to not know how it will all play out. I am positive the Lord marvels at our lack of understanding and faith, as He did the disciples'; after all, we have walked with Him a long time. How can we not trust?
In a few glorious moments, I find that we break through and live our faith. We walk boldly before our Lord and offer ourselves as empty vessels, prepared to carry out His perfect will. When our faith is lived, things become remarkably simple. God told us to do it, He will make it right in the end. We simply obey. That's where we are right now. In fact, I feel like we have made a mistake praying for Nya all these months by name. We don't know who the Lord has in store for our family. Our new prayer is for our children- whether they are one or two, boy or girl, newborn or adolescent. When faith is lived, all things become gloriously possible with our God!

Good Gracious- It's Number 5!

I'm just checking in to announce that we have been waiting over 5 months for our referral! I can almost feel the warm Ethiopian air now!

Baby Blues

Hello, there, to the few of you who actually read this neglected blog! We arrived safely in Gulfport only to have to evacuate the next day because of Gustav. Sigh...I better get accustomed to this. :) We are back now and we are beginning to cast our eyes toward our futures here in this new town. Specifically, I have lined up sports and music lessons, acquired library cards, taken a tour of the streets, and sent in the required paperwork for homeschooling in the great state of Mississippi! Clayton is gone and so I am braving this without him, but not without the help of our Lord! Thank you, Jesus!
Now that I have a moment to sit and breathe, I have been pondering the imminent arrival of our little girl(s) again. It's been nice. Some parents in my adoption YG have recently been discussing the issue of post-adoption depression. Oddly, this is something to which I have not given much thought. I am going to order some recommended books from Amazon on this subject. I know myself, and flying across the world, forming an instant interracial family, and changing the dynamic of our family so dramatically will take its toll on my emotional health! I need preparation and information. I am almost finished reading "Black Baby, White Hands" by Jaiah John. I have really gotten a lot from this book so far. Hopefully I can blog more about that later. One of the recurring themes I hold onto through this process, is the reality of Jesus in our lives and the reality of His expectations of us. Folks, Jesus was not ambiguous about His expectations from those who claim Him as Lord. He didn't make it optional to love others in tangible ways, to live a life of sacrifice and servanthood, or to obey His commands and guidance. If He expects these things of us, He will surely do as He promised and provide the grace needed to complete our races in victory. This sustains me and reminds me that with God's help, my little girls will come home and we will give them the life God has planned for them!

Four is Beautiful!

Well, I am beginning to notice a trend- I only blog on the month anniversaries of our DTE! Sorry to those few faithful souls who actually read this blog. The thing is, I have been kept very busy during this wait for Nya. So busy, in fact, that it hasn't felt much like we're waiting at all! It feels like time is now flying by. I hope this continues.

Many changes are taking place in our lives. Clayton is officially exiting the Air Force this Friday, the 22nd, and he is entering the Navy as a Chaplain on Saturday, the 23rd! Wow! We will be officially moving out of Shreveport, mine and the boys' hometown, on the 26th. Clayton goes to Rhode Island for Chaplain Development School until November 21st and the boys and I are going to Gulfport, Ms to stay with Clayton's mom. By the way, listen to what the Lord has done. Our first duty station is GULFPORT, MS!!!!!!!!!!! What are the chances? Only the Lord. We are going from my hometown to Clayton's hometown. We will be able to spend the next few years with his family and just really enjoy them. So many changes to take in, but the Lord is faithful. He has really joined Himself to our family and created a resiliency in our boys- they are ultra adaptable. We pray the same gift is given to our little girl(s).

Playing Catch- Up!

Well, it has been over 3 months since we have had our dossier in Ethiopia. Only 4-6 more to go! Wow- we're almost there, child(ren).

A whole lot has happened since my last post. I want to record some of this since our daughter will want to know what went on while we waited. First, we had a great 4th of July in Houston. Above is a picture of us at the Kemah Boardwalk, where we watched fireworks, rode rides, ate delicious food, and generally had a grand time.

We also went crabbing (Papa's favorite passtime), went to the zoo, went to Nana and Papa's church, ate too much, etc. Great trip but we wished you were there, little girl.

In other news, I had major surgery on Friday, July 18th. I had a foot of metal taken out of my hip. The docs expected: 3-5 days in hospital (I spent 2), I would barely be able to get around with a walker (I walked on crutches the first day), I would need help with every activity for a while (I can do almost everything for myself and have since the first day), I would need mind-altering narcotics to cope with the pain (I haven't taken any since day 1! I barely use Extra Strength Tylenol). I sleep through the night, I can almost walk without my crutches, and lookey here- I am blogging! Am I Super Woman? Hardly! Let me tell you my secret: My mighty God has answered EVERY prayer! He visited me in my hospital room and gave me strength and comfort. I now know Him in a more REAL way than I ever have before. I am a walking testament to His love, grace, and care! Praise the Lord!

So, many more events are on the horizon. I will barely have time to get Nya's room ready before I leave to get her. I am thankful for that! The Lord is keeping me busy in preparation. To anyone reading this who prayed for me during my surgery: Our Father really did answer your prayers in the most amazing way! Thank you, thank you, thank you for standing with me.

Love,

Amber

Birthday Tribute to My Baby Boy!

Happy birthday to Levi, who is 4 years old! Look at that face, will ya? You can probably tell what a character he is. Levi is so unique in almost every way. He is a natural leader, a genuinely funny person, strong, cute, as smart as a whip! He is the total package. On the day he was born, I knew he was original! What I could never have predicted is the amount of sheer joy this child has brought me. He is pure love most of the time. He actually told me one day, "Mommy, if you die, I want to die with you!" To hear him say that (much less think that at the age of 3!!) was astounding! Nya, he loooooves you- I mean, he is the most enthusiastic big brother I have ever seen. I will hear him pray for you frequently, or here's one I caught him doing this weekend: we were at Nana and Papa's and he whispered, "Go to Nya!" and then he blew a kiss into the air! He is simply amazing and I am so blessed to be his mom. I can't wait for you to meet him, Nya. You will ove him as much as I do and I believe he will bring joy to your life as he has everyone in this family's lives.
Love,
Mommy

Two Months Down, Baby!!

I remember when we first began this journey, I could not imagine getting our dossier finished- much less what it would be like to be at the momentous 2 month waiting mark. It feels great! So far, the waiting has been a lot different than I thought it would be. I have my good days, characterized by a sense of peace and firm faith in my God to bring all things to pass as He sees fit. Other days, my bad days, I am an emotional mess! I cry at the drop of a hat, I take all adoption news as a bad omen and I collapse into bed at night with a longing I scarcely feel I can handle much longer.

I have no idea how old Nya will be when we are united with her. Therefore, I don't have retail therapy to help me get through the wait. :) Surprisingly, I have manged fairly well to keep my mind occupied thus far. We homeschool year round with breaks here and there, so I am still busy with that. I have the task of planning a move soon because Clayton was blessed by our Lord to achieve his dream job- Chaplain in the U.S. Navy!!! Therefore, we will be moving in a few months so that will certainly help keep my mind occupied. I have two great little men to raise daily and right now we are in VBS and that always makes for a chaotic week! Somehow, though, I have a sense that our lives are "missing" an element and I know all you adoptive parents know to what I am referring. Although Nya has yet to become a part of our family in the legal and physical sense, her presence is missed and felt in my heart nonetheless...

One comforting, and also surprising, occurrence, is that whenever I am alone with God (and most especially when I am worshipping in church) I am overwhelmed literally with love and longing for our girl. I have come to treasure those moments. The Lord renews my strength, affirms my dreams, and prepares me for what is ahead in those moments. So, this is my 2 month post. Only 5-7 more months to go until we see our girl's face. Can't wait!

Families United in Ethiopia Today!

Today, 6 families are traveling to Ethiopia to meet their children. Meet their children...amazing! The Cordells, Kidds, Wests, Starrs, Schaetz, and Gardners are all part of the AWAA family who have concluded the road to adoption and are now on the cusp of a new journey. How wonderful... Just wanted to document this day. It's been a while since we have had families travel. With the court closings approaching, there will probably be only one other travel group until Fall.

Total Trust in God

Because this is a blog dedicated to the chronicling of our adoption journey to bring Nya home, I thought it important to update everyone on the latest events in Ethiopia. There has been a severe drought going on for quite a while in Ethiopia and it has had devastating consequences on many fronts. One, and the most important, is that this nation's economy has been severely weakened due to the fact that the economy is centered in agriculture. As a result of this crippling drought, many people are literally starving and the word famine is on the tip of economic forecaster's tongues. In addition, the drought has caused the country to conduct scheduled power outages regularly. This has, obviously, led to a dramatic change in the country's business activities which rely on technology. Specifically, court proceedings are slowing down (majorly) and, therefore, so are adoptions.
The bad news does not end there. It appears that at least 11 adoption agencies have had all pending adoptions suspended indefinitely due to suspicion of unethical business practices (not on the part of the agencies necessarily; rather, on the part of the Ethiopian orphanages with which they work). Sigh.......
It is always amazing to me that wherever a righteous cause is forming (adopting orphans is a righteous cause no matter how one looks at it), darkness tries to invade and corrupt. Money and greed...
However, the purpose of this post was not to lament the dire situation we are facing in the adoption world. It is to say this. My daughter is alive in Ethiopia right now and she is living in these uncertain times. Once again, I am faced with an incredibly odd feeling- one that only other adoptive parents can understand. I am filled with an almost overwhelmingly fierce maternal desire to be with her and protect her. Even if she is still with her mother, I feel a connection to both- a real and powerful love for both. As a parent, I tend to take on the whole of my children's existence as my responsibility. In reality, however, they all belong to God and not me. I am making a choice to place total and complete trust in my Father to care for the daughter He is so graciously giving me. I trust You, Lord, for I know that You see her, and love her, and will bring her to me when the time is right. I am but a steward.
To those who are reading this, can I ask you to pray? Not just for Nya, but for Ethiopia. These people have seen immense suffering and God can heal them and their land. Let's not forget them in our prayers and giving.

One Month Down!!!

It has been 1 month since we have been officially waiting on Nya to come home! We are very excited that this month has gone by fast and there are only 6-8 more months to go! Woohoo!

Just had to share...

I know Mother's Day has come and gone, but I just had to share this while I had time. My boys loathe tomatoes with a passion that is difficult to describe. I don't know if it is the texture or appearance or smell or what, but they can not stand to even look at them. So, perhaps you can appreciate why I was so touched by their Mother's Day gift to me. In an attempt to demonstrate the greatness of their love for me, they each ate tomatoe Sunday night. What started out as laughter in my heart quickly lead to tears as I watched their little determined faces scrunching up in utter disgust as they choked the mushy red substance down. They were looking at me the whole time with these questioning expressions, like "Do you see what we're willing to do for you?" It warmed my heart like no other gift I have ever received. It also confirmed what I have always known to be true- I have two of the best boys in the world! Thank you, Lord for the comfort and joy of a family to call my own. I don' t deserve it, but I thank you just the same.

Home

What is home?“A roof to keep out the rain? Four walls to keep out the wind? Floors to keep out the cold? Yes, but home is more than that. It is the laugh of a baby, the song of a mother, the strength of a father, warmth of loving hearts, lights from happy eyes, kindness, loyalty, comradeship. Home is first school and first church for young ones, where they learn what is right, what is good, and what is kind, where they go for comfort when they are hurt or sick; where joy is shared and sorrow eased; where fathers and mothers are respected and loved, where children are wanted; where the simplest food is good enough for kings because it is earned; where money is not as important as loving-kindness; where even the tea kettle sings from happiness. That is home. God bless it!”
-Anon

The Little Homeschooled Boys That Could!

While awaiting our little Nya, we have decided to make use of our time. So, when my boys read in their "Clubhouse Jr." magazine from Focus on the Family about a tank-top drive for children in Uganda, they jumped at the chance. They got on the horn and alerted friends and family to the need. Although they are homeschooled and, consequently, handicapped in the area of knowing a lot of people to call in these situations, that did not deflect them from their mission! With the help of friends, and a pair of shopping savvy grandmothers and aunts, these two were able to collect almost 100 brand spankin' new tank tops for the very deserving children in Uganda. Praise the Lord for the lessons they learned about love, generosity, and teamwork along the way as well.

Happy Birthday to Big Brother, Caleb!

Today is Caleb's 7th birthday (actually it's tomorrow but we are celebrating today!). It is the very definition of bittersweet for me. I remember like it was just yesterday, how I held my first born boy in my arms. He rocked my world! I never knew a love like that could be...

In many ways, he has been my teacher. He is the one who helped me grow into mommy-hood, and still does. You, my little girl, will reap the benefits of Caleb's experience as the first-born. His heart is so big and so beautiful that he loves you even now, before we have even been introduced to you. He prays for you, talks about you, plans for your entry into our family. He wants to be a missionary doctor to your homeland, Ethiopia. I couldn't ask for anyone more wonderful to be my first-born son. I keep thinking that on his next birthday, you will be celebrating his life with us. All of my miracle-children will be there! What a day of rejoicing that will be. Caleb sends you his love today, Nya. I thank God for your big brother.

-Mommy

My First Adoption Dream!

Disclaimer: Although I loved this dream so much, it is, admittedly, very weird! :)
I awoke this morning to such a beautiful feeling. I had my first adoption dream. It all started with Clayton and I taking a spontaneous trip to the country. We had to leave our boys with no warning and that was a really bad feeling. When we pulled up to this old, but beautiful country home, many people were there. It looked like a party was going on. Once we entered the place, we immediately noticed that all the people there were much older. We felt weird (being uninvited and the youngest there and knowing no one). To our shock and disbelief, in walks Paula Deen (okay, this is where it gets really weird. You need to understand how much I loooooove Paula Deen!). She is throwing some kind of food tasting party and she is serving us!!! We ate and ate and ate-all my southern faves. While we were eating, we were listening to the sagacious wisdom of all the older couples around us. It was awesome. Suddenly, a man approaches us and asks if we are seeking to adopt. We are in awe as to how he would know this, but we confirmed that, indeed, we were in the adoption process. He looked very serious and said that he had a little girl for us to meet. Her mother was very sick and she would die soon. They wanted to keep them together until her death, but her mother's heart's desire was to find a home for her child after her death. We instantly KNEW that this was the child we were meant to have. They brought her to us and I woke up just before I saw her face.
Any Freudian buffs out there who care to analyze? :)

The Strength of Mercy

I am reading a book by Jan Beazley, entitled "The Strength of Mercy." I have torn through it in record time because the story is so inspiring and fascinating. She is the founder of All God's Children International and she is writing about her adoption journey to her daughter, Hannah. It is particularly moving because I think my family (as well as almost every other family I know) feels that our adoption story is providential and hers certainly is. One especially poignant description she uses is the similarity between God and a master needle pointer. Just as someone skilled in the difficult nuances of needlepoint joins many threads and points together from seemingly chaotic ends of the canvas; our Lord weaves people, places, circumstances, governments, time periods, etc. together from seemingly nonsensical, inconsequential points of the world. And just as the needlepoint expert creates a stunningly beautiful masterpiece at the end of her endeavors, so our God creates the perfect masterpiece at the end of His.
Nya, our Lord loves me and He loves you. He loves your birth parents, and He loves your family here. Your father and I chose long ago to serve the Lord all the days of our lives. We belong to Him and He has ordained you for our family. Nothing is out of His hands. This time that is spent waiting for your beautiful soul to come into our family, is for a great purpose. We will be ready when the time comes. We are so blessed to be able to help you fulfill your destiny. We love you, darling.
-Mommy

You may have noticed...

I deleted our dossier tracker. That is simply because... IT IS ON ITS WAY TO AWAA!!!!!!!! Yahoooooo!!! For those of you who are not involved in the adoption realm, this celebratory attitude may seem odd. For those of you in the adoption realm- well, you know what a momentous day this is! It boils down to this: we are done paperchasing and now we are waiting on our little girl to come into our lives. Hopefully, in the next week or so I will get confirmation that our paper baby is on its way to Ethiopia. I will keep you posted. When I mailed off this paper representation of my LIFE, I felt oddly nervous. It was like sending a part of me away. I think it is the only tangible tie I had to Nya and it felt weird to let it go. However, I can not tell you how happy we are. We celebrated with a family lunch at Chick-Fil-A. It seemed fitting- it is our boys' favorite place to go and Clayton and I have had many conversations about Nya in that place. I hope we can take her someday soon.
-Amber

Wooohooo!

Mailing the COMPLETED dossier to the SOS today. It should be back by the end of the week/beginning of next week at the latest and then off to AWAA. Oh Happy Day!

Great News!

I got very nervous yesterday and had the sneaking suspicion that something was wrong with the paperwork for USCIS. So, I had to jump through rings of fire (so it seemed) to find the number to an actual human being who could answer my burning question: Is my paperwork being processed? Unfortunately, I was directed to an email address where all PAPs in my region are supposed to send their questions. So, I did that and I must admit I did it with a very BAD attitude! I actually thought: "I probably won't get a response and even if I do it will probably be next week!" Where is the faith? Not 10 minutes later I get an email back stating that our application has been PROCESSED and APPROVED and should be here in a FEW DAYS!!!!! YAY! That means I will be DONE with my dossier and it will go to the Secretary of State for authentication and then off to AWAA. Happy Day!

The Blessing is in the Waiting?

I am writing today out of frustration. Okay, I promised myself when I began this journey that I would not complain the whole way through. I was aware that adoption is lengthy and it would be a long while before I held my child in my arms. As time wears on, though, I find myself growing anxious and frustrated. Today was "the straw that broke the camel's back," so to speak, in that there was supposed to be a "Waiting Child List" released from my agency and I have heard rumor that this is not happening, for now at least. Why, you may wonder, did this hit me so hard? Perhaps it is because I can not get information in a timely manner from many officials, agencies, and personnel who hold the fate of my adoption in their hands. Perhaps it is because I have grown weary from fighting tooth and nail to get simple documents signed and returned. Or perhaps it is because I have no doctors appointments, ultrasounds, and blossoming belly to mark the progression of my journey to Nya and thus making it more real. More likely, however, it is because I suppose I am hoping to see Nya in one of those pictures (and perhaps another child as well) and have that moment of knowing that this is my child no matter what! Or maybe I am just impatient and getting angry is at least doing something! I don't know...
Today I pray this prayer of Paul's. I pray it for myself and for anyone who is reading this and can identify with my plight:
"And we pray this that you might live a life worthy of the Lord, and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened in in all power according to His glorious might, so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light." Col 1:10-12

Our Daughter's Name

We are aiming to adopt one daughter but we are open to two daughters as well, if it is the Lord's will. We have decided on a name for our daughter and if we have two, we will choose another at that time. We wanted to keep her name of African origin, although not necessarily Ethiopian. We chose the names based upon meaning- we knew what we wanted her name to mean and we found names accordingly. We have chosen:
Nya (n-I-uh) which means "Purpose" and it is African in origin
Abrihet (au-bree-ett) which means "She emanates light" and it is Ethiopian in origin

So, Nya Abrihet, we are on our way to you! We love you!

Is Adoption anything like pregnancy? Not for me!!!!!

I am one of those people who has adoption in their DNA. It's true. I can not think of a time in my life when I did not want to adopt. In fact, as a child, when I imagined what serving God looked like for me- it was working in an orphanage. The plight of the orphan has always weighed heavily on me. I don't mean to make myself sound like a Pollyanna, that is certainly not the case. People are moved by different things and, for me, it is children who are in need.
I say all of that to get to the point that I thought I knew what adoption, the actual process, would be like. I saw the images on adoptive parenting blogs and books of an ultrasound picture with the country of origin in place of a baby. I heard the references of adoption being like a pregnancy. That has not been my experience at all. Don't get me wrong- I see the correlations. It is just that my adoption experience has been so much more spiritual and powerful than my pregnancies. I don't think I have ever cried so much in my life (admittedly, this does sound like the raging hormones of gestation. However, I am crying for a reason rather than because of a particularly poignant Hallmark commercial or because my well-meaning hubby made a comment about my swollen feet needing a rub!)
I find myself completely broken by God. I shamefully admit that when I dreamed of adoption years ago, I thought of it in shades of ME! How I would feel, what I would do, how it would enrich my life were sadly the extents of my adoption fantasies. Boy, how that has changed. All I can think of now is my children- my sons who are home with me now and my daughter who is in another country. God is showing me, upon invitation, how very little this has to do with me. He loves me- yes. He is giving me the desires of my heart- yes. But I am beginning to realize that He put those desires there in the first place. I am living in His will and it is amazing.
For me, pregnancy was very natural. Although it was spiritual at times, like when I prayed for the growing baby in my womb, mostly it felt uneventful. I knew mostly what to expect- the baby would look like either me or Clayton or a mixture, attachment never crossed my mind- we are all this child would ever know and we would provide a healthy and loving family.
Adoption is completely different. Our child will look nothing like us, she will come from a country and culture we are not a part of, she will have had a family before us and, most importantly, she will have experienced the loss of that family. Her personality will largely be formed by the time we meet and I will have to become acquainted with her uniqueness- without a frame of reference from which to predict her wants or needs. I will learn to be her mother and she will learn to be my daughter.
My pregnancies were so beautiful in that from the moment I saw these boys, and from the moment they sensed me, we were bonded. It is cosmic, for lack of a better word. God created us to be together and from the moment of conception I had been their mother- protecting them, caring for them, and doing all the things a mother does. Our adoption is also so beautiful- I can hardly think of it without crying. God is all over this!!! It is a picture of His mighty and indefatigable love. Every step I take to get to my child, I am doing it as her mother. Yet, I am not her only mother. And here is where the largest distinction lies. My child is someone else's child too. It is a weird, disturbing, beautiful, amazing feeling for me to know that my child is born of someone else. I pray that if the parents of our daughter are out there in this world, that our Lord will send them peace and a measure of comfort in knowing that their child will be treasured and loved beyond all words.

Mailing Home study tomorrow!!!

Tomorrow I am heading to the beloved UPS store to mail our completed home study to CIS. After that, our paperchasing is down to waiting for the I171-H!! In other words, by the end of April our dossier will be sitting pretty in Addis Ababa and then we begin the wait for our little girl (s). I will need to find something adoption-related to do during that LONG and DIFFICULT wait. Of course, praying for our children and preparing as much as possible for our growing family will be key activities. I am also working on a fundraiser cookbook and I am about to take up sewing (to make girly things and a quilt for our daughter!). That should help...uh, maybe not! :)

Book Review: There is No Me Without You by Melissa Faye Greene

This work chroicles one woman's life as a "rescuer of children" in her homeland of Ethiopia. Her name is Heregewoin Tefarra and she stumbled upon her calling as surrogate mother to hundreds of children who became orphans due to to poverty, AIDS, or other diseases. Melissa Greene visits Ethiopia, and Heregewoin's orphan care home (s), and eventually develops a close relationship with this woman.
There are several strengths of this book which combine to make it a must read for anyone seeking to adopt, especially from Ethiopia. First, Greene's writing abilities are tremendous and she literally "paints" a picture of this country, these people, and these circumstances, with eloquent words. My heart broke, rejoiced, and broke again as she took me through the orphan-to-adoption stories of several children. Another strength is that the author provides insight into the hearts and minds of the children, the caregivers, and the adoptive parents. The questions I found myself asking, such as "How will an older child adjust to a new family after having already had one previously?" and "What about all the horror stories and cautionary advice we've received on the dangers of adopting an older child?", were all answered through the real-life experiences and words of those who had the courage and strength to take those leaps. One of the greatest strengths of this book comes from the author's own truthful account of the situations and circumstances she witnessed. She reveals the good, the bad, and the ugly while still maintaing a compassinate balance. In other words, the people and events in the book are not made to seem super-human in any way. This, I feel, contributes to the authenticity of the book. Greene, herself, has adopted four children from Ethiopia- all of which are older children.
Finally, I must say that the best part of this book for me was the wake-up call I received from the insight into the AIDS crisis in Ethiopia. As a Christian, I can not adequately describe to you how God dealt with us in regard to our comfortable complacency regarding the plight of the orphan, widowed, and oppressed. I am ashamed to admit that I did previously know about the AIDS epidemic, but I frankly did not care much. By care, I mean actually DOING something to remedy the situation- or at the very least alleviate it to a degree. I recognize that no one person, no thousand people, can FIX the AIDS and orphan crisis in Africa. However, as a Christian I can pray for these people, I can tell others about this problem, I can give my time and money to ministries and organizations that are doing the hard work of helping these people, I can go to Africa and help physically and mourn with those who mourn and rejoice with those who rejoice. Of course, I can adopt an orphan from this beautiful country and allow God to knit us together as a family. I can allow God to express His love for her and for me and for the world through our family. So, there is so much I can do. This powerful book was used by God to change my life and I pray that you will read it as well and allow Him to speak to you.

Treasures of Ethiopia

This week was very eventful. First, we received the final draft of our favorable home study! It was great, although a little odd that a couple with two children has to go through an approval process to have more children!!! Don't misinterpret my meaning- I know it is absolutely necessary to go through a thorough screening and evaluation process before one is able to adopt. However, I just find it funny that we have been parents for 7 years and we're finally officially approved :) Reading the study actually made me very eager to see my girl and bring her home. It made the whole process seem more REAL.
We also went to Houston for a dual purpose- to visit my family and for Clayton to attend a meeting. We took the boys to the Museum of Natural Science and, to our pleasant amazement, they were hosting a limited exhibit entitled "Hidden Treasures of Ethiopia." We, of course, were thrilled. The artifacts they had were absolutely beautiful. Some of the artifacts were: ancient weapons, jewelry (gorgeous even by today's standards), kitchenwares (bowls, cups, coffee grinder and maker, spoons, etc. which were all intricately detailed), ornamental crosses, ancient copies of the Koran and the Bible, clothing, footware, headdresses, shields, and much, much more! In addition, the exhibit displayed pictures and information on all the country's leaders, Ethiopian art, and a short film which was essentially chronicling the history of Ethiopia while taking a visual tour of the country (my favorite part by far!). They even had "Lucy" the so-called first woman, on display. Those fossils were, of course, found in Ethiopia. They also had a whole exhibit on the secret of the Ark of the Covenant in ET. Very interesting. Unfortunately, they allowed no cameras in the exhibit so I can not give you visual insight. :(
Our daughter's homeland is wonderful and majestic. I can not wait to learn more and then actually visit this country.

Still Trucking!

I apologize for being a lazy blogger, but for anyone who has been through an adoption- you know why! The dossier building is very time consuming, mostly because no one cares as much as we do about the process. Therefore, when a doctor, for example, refuses to complete a physical form in the correct manner, it takes a miracle to persuade him that you are not just being difficult and these are, in fact, true requirements for our adoption. That was a mouthful and I am sure my frustration is palpable. However, we have hit only minor snags and I am so thankful to God for His continued grace during this process. We have mostly been able to keep a proper perspective during the entire adoption process. There are freak-out days (when I sense the reality of what my child has been through in her little life) and there are those joyful moments (when I sense the reality that we are going to have a beautiful little girl in a very short while!). Overall, it is like any journey worth making in this life- ups and downs, rewards and setbacks. A lot like parenting. For anyone who is just beginning an adoption, or for those who are simply curious, I am setting up a timeline and a list describing the "paper chase."

Slowly, but surely...

Thank goodness that we came into this adoption process with our eyes wide open. It is unbelievable how much paperwork is involved in this journey to our daughter (s). We had the indescribable pleasure of driving three hours to Jackson, MS last night, staying in a dingy hotel room, and driving back this morning for an appointment to have our biometrics taken for the Department of Homeland Security. This appointment took a total of half and hour! I am wondering why we couldn't do this in Shreveport? Oh well! We used it as family bonding time and as an opportunity to read more about our child's homeland. We are now building our dossier, which is a bundle of paperwork that has to be notarized, state certified, and then nationally certified before sending to Ethiopia. I am actually taking pleasure in the preparation of this dossier, as it makes me feel like I am doing something tangible to be with my daughter (s). The next step is to get these physicals done and wait for our home study to be completed. Very exciting! To our little girl (s): We pray for you every day and we think about you all the time. It is amazing to be able to love you this much without having ever met you. We are so looking forward to meeting your needs, making you feel safe, playing and laughing and sharing the gift of family with you. May our Lord care for you and envelop you in the safety of His love.

ACS Appointment

We received our appointments for the I600A for February 14th. How fitting- Valentine's Day! It is so exciting to be progressing closer to the completion of our dossier. The reality of our daughter being in this world and so far away has been heavily on my mind lately. However, I trust our Lord to care for her and provide for her in every way. Thank you, friends and family, for your continued prayers and support.

Adopting In God's Time

The story of our adoption is ultimately a story about Love. Love with a capital ‘L’ – God’s Love (I John 4:8). Particularly dear to God’s heart, is the widow and the orphan. According to scripture, caring for the widow and the orphan is “true religion” (James 1:27). Amber and I can not think of a more powerful way to manifest the love of God as demonstrated in the adoption journey. Adoption involves the redemption of an orphan who then becomes a son/daughter. It is the ultimate display of God’s love as it parallels His work in the earth. Romans 8:15 states, “…but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by whom we cry out, ‘Abba, Father!’” Although humanity is born in the image of God, all do not partake of His nature. Many choose not to have a relationship with the Creator; however, God reaches out to all those who want to be a part of His family (John 3:16). God takes those who are estranged to Him by the fallenness of the world and through the fallenness within themselves and brings them into fellowship with Himself through the Cross of Christ. He journeyed to us in our "far away place" through the incarnation and ransomed us by His blood; thereby, making us His own children through adoption. In adopting a child, I am partaking of my own redemption story; a story that manifests the reality of a benevolent God. Evidently, this tale has a prewritten script for the Jones family. It is my honor to share this chronicle of Love with you. Through this transparent and intimate revealing of the “behind the scenes” process that has led Amber and I to adopt, may our story become a living epistle and a source of comfort and encouragement.

Our current adoption did not begin according to our own plans. Amber and I had originally intended to adopt from China. This would have put our adoption several years in the future after we had all of our natural children. It would be a time of better salaries and adequate savings to pay for the costly process of adoption. These were our chronos plans. In the language of scripture, there are two words for time, chronos and kairos. Chronos time is quantitative and linear. It takes the observed motions of the earth and puts it conveniently on a wristwatch and calendar. Generally, we make plans according to chronos. In fact, I was so settled in our planning that I was not really interested in discussing adoption…to the frequent frustration of my wife. After all, this was something I would be more interested in when it becomes more relevant…in the future. Over the years, we had opened our home as a place of recovery, refuge, and support to several different family members. Recently, Amber’s sister and her daughter had moved out. We had the house to our immediate family again and it felt good. We even thought about getting pregnant again. Amidst these chronos events and plans, God spoke and introduced His kairos plans. His plans operate on kairos time and can fortuitously devastate chronos thinking and planning. The current adoption journey began when we laid down our former plans for God’s “special, opportune” time for adoption.

There are times when a Christian steps into the plans of God and God begins to manifest Himself. This is when life becomes exciting and abnormal. Our adoption journey has been one of those times. We are learning that when we make plans according to our own strength then we will accomplish only those things that we can do. If we make plans according to God’s direction, then His strength enables us to do things that only He can do. As we have walked with our God, we have personally experienced His providence in several palpable moments. None of these moments have been as evident as the one’s we have experienced through this adoption journey. It has brought me closer to the heart of God than anything thus far in my Christian walk. Little did I know that it would all begin when I stepped outside with my Bible and coffee to do my daily devotional while my children played on the trampoline. God's Word can truly be a powerful force in one's life.

I was reading about John the Baptist in the Gospel of Luke. John had a radical message of repentance. The people were asking this camel-hair-wearing, locust-eating prophet how they were supposed to respond to his preaching. Luke 3:11 states, “And he would answer and say to them, ‘The man who has two tunics is to share with him who has none; and he who has food is to do likewise.’” As I read this, I leaned back in the porch swing, relaxed and prayed to God, “Lord, all I have is yours. What is my extra tunic that I can share?” Generally, I do not expect a powerful response but this time was different. I felt God’s Spirit quicken the answer so powerfully that it shook me to my core, “You have an extra room.” Because my sister in law and niece had just moved out, we had a spare room in our house. However, what the Lord was speaking to my heart had little to do with a physical room, and more to do with the directive to expand our family through adoption. The extra room was in our hearts and lives as well as our house, and the Lord obviously had someone He wanted to place therein. When I walked in to share this with my wife, I was visibly shaken. I had tears in my eyes and shook with deep emotion as I relayed God’s Word to her. Jeremiah 23:29 reads, “"Is not my word like fire," declares the Lord, "and like a hammer that breaks a rock in pieces?” God’s word was changing my heart and breaking down all of my chronos plans and assumptions. My wife could see that the Lord had spoken and she accepted the change in plans. In the beginning, the idea for adoption began with my wife so it did not take much convincing for her to embrace these new plans...on faith. Of course, it was puzzling…and slightly stressful…how it was going to work out. No matter, it was out with the chronos plans of Clayton and Amber and in with the kairos plans of God.

Kairos time is God’s time. It can not be measured as it is qualitative instead of quantitative. It exists in the moment. It is an icon for eternity and eternal life. Kairos is often defined as the “right or opportune moment.” It is a now moment. Anybody who has experienced kairos recognizes this as a “special time.” The saint in communion with God gets lost in the kairos of the moment; the artist painting is often lost in kairos; children seem to live and play longer in kairos than adults. Our fondest childhood memories are probably kairos experiences. Perhaps this was part of what Jesus had in mind when He stated, “Unless you become like little children, you can by no means inherit the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:3). Children are able to live free of heavy and burdensome chronos plans and live in the kairos moment. This becomes obvious as my children squeal and chase a lizard down the fence. Many people taste kairos while watching a sunset or looking at the starry sky. Unfortunately, lizards are no longer enough for me. Despite the Lord’s teaching to, “observe the sparrows and lilies and let tomorrow worry about itself,” I often get burdened down under the weight of the world’s chronos reality. Many times, it takes God’s own word to break through and change the direction of my life.

When God speaks, one experiences kairos because it is God’s time. It comes with His territory so to speak. This is partly why experiencing God is often mystical or ecstatic. In fact, I would go as far to say that many mystical experiences are as much an experience of the reality of kairos as they are of God. Some religious movements and ideas seem to stem from a person or group of peoples’ experience of kairos alone. God’s word always invokes kiaros because it transcends the chronos of our world. Isaiah 40:8 notes, “The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever." Through the cycle of chronos observation and time, stands the unchanging word of God. When God’s time infiltrates our time, things change. Something must give. From forgiveness, to being born again, cleansing, deliverance, revelation, illumination, direction, or His love being shed abroad in our hearts, God’s kairos experience produces magnificent results.

My recent karios moment came unmistakably through God’s direction towards adoption and made no chronos sense whatsoever. We were too young for China, we did not have the anticipated future savings or salaries, and we still had another natural child in the plans. All we knew was that this was what God wanted and we had a peaceful excitement about the near future. We had a naïve curiosity concerning how God would make a way to adopt. We were thrilled when we were approved through our agency to adopt. We had filled out the paperwork with humorous abandonment in the area of economic qualifications. It was genially apparent that we had been accepted through grace into America World Adoption’s El Salvador program. This program was one of a handful that we could feasibly accomplish giving the variables of time-in-country, age requirements, and financial cost. In order to cover the initial costs, we sold Amber’s “Hearts on Fire” engagement ring and wedding band to pay for the first installment of adoption expenses. My wife could not bear to look at those expensive rocks while our child was out there somewhere in a foreign country. Now I know that God is moving when my wife enthusiastically sells her best set of diamonds. Soon after, a friend gave a tennis bracelet to sell in order to cover more of the expenses. Again, God was providing as a friend parts with a beautiful piece of jewelry. We were able to pay our first installment to our agency and pay for our home study. Of course, we still had a long way to go to reach the twenty plus thousand price tag. However, we were chipping away.

During this time, we were still enrolled in the El Salvador program. It was becoming apparent that referrals were moving slow. There was a long waiting list for the kids who were available for adoption in this country. During this time, my wife became acquainted with several adoptive families who brought their children home from Ethiopia. This beautiful country and its beautiful people began to make their way into her heart. My wife and I were talking after a morning devotional and she brought up the possibility of adopting from Ethiopia. I confess that I had not considered adopting from Africa for many reasons. One of these reasons was the challenge and controversy surrounding trans-racial adoptions; particularly, white families adopting black children. We talked through many of these issues and we came to the conviction that there were higher governing principles to healthy and loving families than the color of a person’s skin. There are healthy and unhealthy families from many different backgrounds; so a healthy, loving family depends on much more than race and societal obstacles. We were willing to do the extra study and preparation to adopt trans-racially. Besides, there are almost five million orphans in Ethiopia. Unlike our former program, most will never be adopted. It became apparent that God was leading us to Ethiopia. Our future family portraits would simply be a snapshot of the heart of the Gospel. For weeks, I could not talk about this country and the orphans in its borders without pausing to keep from breaking down. God had broken our heart for these children. God had broken our heart for our future child. A couple of months later, our adoption agency stopped accepting applications for the El Salvador program due to international complications. God knew what He was doing in moving our hearts to a different program. Every time another option presented itself, we would openly explore every possibility. Coming back to Ethiopia felt like coming back home. The country and the websites and the pictures brought a warmth and peace to our hearts. It was settled. Ethiopia it was. Now it was time to move forward with the next portion of the adoption process.

During the home study, the social worker asked if we knew of another family who had adopted internationally because they shared our last name. It called to memory an encounter my wife had several years ago. She was in the education supply store, when a woman introduced herself. Through conversation, they both had many similarities. They both loved Christ; both home schooled their children; and they both had a heart for international adoption. She had adopted a girl from China, the same place Amber wanted to adopt. After speaking, they both felt the Lord had put them together for a reason. Amber visited her home once but they lost touch over the years amidst horrendously busy schedules. The social worker that we were working with was the same that Amber’s friend had used to adopt her daughter from China. She was currently in the process of adopting again, using this same social worker for her home study. We thought this was uncanny. Amber called her and left a message in order to share with her our adoption testimony and get some helpful advice and ideas. Besides, it was auspicious to have both chosen the same social worker. Within the first couple of minutes after Amber's friend called her back and without sharing any of our financial needs, she volunteered to pay a signficant portion of the remaining balance. Apparently, she and her husband had a trust fund that was used to help people adopt orphans. For several reasons, they were going to empty it to non-profit organizations and were thrilled to help donate some of those funds towards our adoption. It was apparent that the Lord had orchestrated this years ago. Amber’s friend said that my wife had been on her heart several days before the phone call and that the minute she mentioned adopting from Ethiopia, it was joyfully apparent that she and her husband were going to be significant partners in what Jesus was doing to expand our family.

When Amber walked into the bedroom to tell me what had happened, I felt the providence of God. I understood why he fortuitously devastated our chronos plans and I was thrilled that we had been obedient to His guiding hand. God truly knows what He is doing. In addition to this, we received an offer via mail to refinance our home we bought less than a year ago with a VA loan. The refinance was at a 5% fixed interest rate for 30 years. The refinance is saving thousands of dollars in the long run and freeing up several thousand dollars in escrow refunds and skipped payments. I had never even heard of an interest rate this low on a 30 year mortgage, and yes, it is legit with no PMI. We stand at awe at these "uncanny" events. This refinance provided the rest of the needed funds. Recently, our appointment with the FBI for our background check came back in record time. Lo and behold, our appointment falls on a day where I already had vacation scheduled for no specific reason. Again, I stand in awe of God. At this rate, our referral should be coming very soon. Of course, our story is far from over.

Through this process, Isaiah 55:11 has become more vivid than in times past. It reads, “So is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.” God’s word came in a kairos moment and it has been actively accomplishing the purpose for which He spoke. His word delightfully changed our hearts along with all of our former chronos plans. Many of the purposes for all these events wait to be realized and perhaps only eternity will tell the entire tale. I do know that we have an exciting “birthing” process unfolding to share with our daughter. This process has been as special and exciting as any natural birth. God’s Word in the scripture is a “lamp to our feet and a light for our path” (Psalm 119:105). We have found this also includes the personal direction He gives us through His Spirit. His words have been a light and lamp in an unplanned and uncharted territory. It is apparent He knows where He is going even when we don’t. So goes our chronicle of Love in this adoption tale. We look forward to perpetually sharing this lifetime tale of practicing “true religion” with many. May it be a living epistle as we demonstrate our own story of redemption through the adoption of our daughter. We look forward to continually demonstrating God's love to her just as God continually demonstrates His love to us. I will close with Romans 8:38, "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present or the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Jesus Christ our Lord." God’s love has truly overcome tremendous obstacles to bring this Mississippi boy and his Louisiana family to an unexpected country to bring home our little girl during this “special” time for adoption.

Book Review: "In Their Own Voices" by Rita Simon and Rhonda Roorda

This book is about trans-racial adoption; specifically, it is about the perspective of trans-racial adoptees in America. The book begins with various statistical evidence which demonstrates that trans-racially adopted individuals are as healthy and well-adjusted as other (same-race) adoptees. However, the authors also deal with the argument promoted by some in the African American community that trans-racial adoption of a black child into a white family is not only harmful to the child, but is detrimental to the black community. In fact, the term used over and over again is “genocide” when referring to the effects of trans-racial adoption on the African American culture. The authors attempt to gain insight into the lives, experiences, and emotions of adults who were adopted trans-racially in the 60’s and 70’s. They seek responses from the adoptees to the growing concern of many in the African American community who fear the consequences of trans-racial adoption for the community and the child.
I received so much from this book in terms of gaining an understanding of the perspectives of the black community, the effects of racism, the various and unique issues of a trans-racially adopted child, and the responsibilities that many adoptive parents seem to overlook. In terms of the perspectives of the black community, it is interesting to me that many are not in favor of trans-racial adoption because they feel the child is being stripped from their cultural roots. Others fear that the fabric of the black community is being eroded further by white people who are already dominating every facet of society and now even the black youth are being diluted through adoption. Although I obviously do not agree with these perspectives wholly, I do understand the concerns and I will be able to address them more intelligently now. An adoptive parent can be more proactive in addressing these concerns through exposing the child to his or her culture of origin, by connecting with others in the black community who can serve as positive role models and mentors for their child, and by celebrating the cultural differences rather than ignoring them or avoiding them.
Regarding the effects of racism, I am much more sensitive now to the probable future difficulties of my child than I was before reading this book. Before, I had adopted the notion that “love conquers all” and I believed that my daughter would not suffer the effects of racism because our love would shield her from these bad things. I now know, through reading these adoptees’ accounts of their lives, that racism is alive and well and my daughter will most likely encounter racial slurs, ugly speech and glances, unfair social and business practices and other reprehensible behavior from people of both races and all ages. She may be discriminated against at a very young age. Again, the parents’ responsibility comes into focus: we must prepare our children for the world, both good and bad. Racism must be dealt with head-on if we want our children to thrive.
Finally, the most important knowledge I received from this book is that often trans-racially adopted children feel out of place, even with their own families and uncomfortable in their own bodies. A feeling that something is “missing” seems to have followed many of these children into adulthood. Parents need to be aware of this and foster open communication with their children, especially during adolescence when this feeling often emerges. Although I no longer feel that love is all we will need to raise our children well, I also believe in the words our Lord gave us more than ever: “Love covers a multitude of sins.”