Adopting In God's Time

The story of our adoption is ultimately a story about Love. Love with a capital ‘L’ – God’s Love (I John 4:8). Particularly dear to God’s heart, is the widow and the orphan. According to scripture, caring for the widow and the orphan is “true religion” (James 1:27). Amber and I can not think of a more powerful way to manifest the love of God as demonstrated in the adoption journey. Adoption involves the redemption of an orphan who then becomes a son/daughter. It is the ultimate display of God’s love as it parallels His work in the earth. Romans 8:15 states, “…but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by whom we cry out, ‘Abba, Father!’” Although humanity is born in the image of God, all do not partake of His nature. Many choose not to have a relationship with the Creator; however, God reaches out to all those who want to be a part of His family (John 3:16). God takes those who are estranged to Him by the fallenness of the world and through the fallenness within themselves and brings them into fellowship with Himself through the Cross of Christ. He journeyed to us in our "far away place" through the incarnation and ransomed us by His blood; thereby, making us His own children through adoption. In adopting a child, I am partaking of my own redemption story; a story that manifests the reality of a benevolent God. Evidently, this tale has a prewritten script for the Jones family. It is my honor to share this chronicle of Love with you. Through this transparent and intimate revealing of the “behind the scenes” process that has led Amber and I to adopt, may our story become a living epistle and a source of comfort and encouragement.

Our current adoption did not begin according to our own plans. Amber and I had originally intended to adopt from China. This would have put our adoption several years in the future after we had all of our natural children. It would be a time of better salaries and adequate savings to pay for the costly process of adoption. These were our chronos plans. In the language of scripture, there are two words for time, chronos and kairos. Chronos time is quantitative and linear. It takes the observed motions of the earth and puts it conveniently on a wristwatch and calendar. Generally, we make plans according to chronos. In fact, I was so settled in our planning that I was not really interested in discussing adoption…to the frequent frustration of my wife. After all, this was something I would be more interested in when it becomes more relevant…in the future. Over the years, we had opened our home as a place of recovery, refuge, and support to several different family members. Recently, Amber’s sister and her daughter had moved out. We had the house to our immediate family again and it felt good. We even thought about getting pregnant again. Amidst these chronos events and plans, God spoke and introduced His kairos plans. His plans operate on kairos time and can fortuitously devastate chronos thinking and planning. The current adoption journey began when we laid down our former plans for God’s “special, opportune” time for adoption.

There are times when a Christian steps into the plans of God and God begins to manifest Himself. This is when life becomes exciting and abnormal. Our adoption journey has been one of those times. We are learning that when we make plans according to our own strength then we will accomplish only those things that we can do. If we make plans according to God’s direction, then His strength enables us to do things that only He can do. As we have walked with our God, we have personally experienced His providence in several palpable moments. None of these moments have been as evident as the one’s we have experienced through this adoption journey. It has brought me closer to the heart of God than anything thus far in my Christian walk. Little did I know that it would all begin when I stepped outside with my Bible and coffee to do my daily devotional while my children played on the trampoline. God's Word can truly be a powerful force in one's life.

I was reading about John the Baptist in the Gospel of Luke. John had a radical message of repentance. The people were asking this camel-hair-wearing, locust-eating prophet how they were supposed to respond to his preaching. Luke 3:11 states, “And he would answer and say to them, ‘The man who has two tunics is to share with him who has none; and he who has food is to do likewise.’” As I read this, I leaned back in the porch swing, relaxed and prayed to God, “Lord, all I have is yours. What is my extra tunic that I can share?” Generally, I do not expect a powerful response but this time was different. I felt God’s Spirit quicken the answer so powerfully that it shook me to my core, “You have an extra room.” Because my sister in law and niece had just moved out, we had a spare room in our house. However, what the Lord was speaking to my heart had little to do with a physical room, and more to do with the directive to expand our family through adoption. The extra room was in our hearts and lives as well as our house, and the Lord obviously had someone He wanted to place therein. When I walked in to share this with my wife, I was visibly shaken. I had tears in my eyes and shook with deep emotion as I relayed God’s Word to her. Jeremiah 23:29 reads, “"Is not my word like fire," declares the Lord, "and like a hammer that breaks a rock in pieces?” God’s word was changing my heart and breaking down all of my chronos plans and assumptions. My wife could see that the Lord had spoken and she accepted the change in plans. In the beginning, the idea for adoption began with my wife so it did not take much convincing for her to embrace these new plans...on faith. Of course, it was puzzling…and slightly stressful…how it was going to work out. No matter, it was out with the chronos plans of Clayton and Amber and in with the kairos plans of God.

Kairos time is God’s time. It can not be measured as it is qualitative instead of quantitative. It exists in the moment. It is an icon for eternity and eternal life. Kairos is often defined as the “right or opportune moment.” It is a now moment. Anybody who has experienced kairos recognizes this as a “special time.” The saint in communion with God gets lost in the kairos of the moment; the artist painting is often lost in kairos; children seem to live and play longer in kairos than adults. Our fondest childhood memories are probably kairos experiences. Perhaps this was part of what Jesus had in mind when He stated, “Unless you become like little children, you can by no means inherit the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:3). Children are able to live free of heavy and burdensome chronos plans and live in the kairos moment. This becomes obvious as my children squeal and chase a lizard down the fence. Many people taste kairos while watching a sunset or looking at the starry sky. Unfortunately, lizards are no longer enough for me. Despite the Lord’s teaching to, “observe the sparrows and lilies and let tomorrow worry about itself,” I often get burdened down under the weight of the world’s chronos reality. Many times, it takes God’s own word to break through and change the direction of my life.

When God speaks, one experiences kairos because it is God’s time. It comes with His territory so to speak. This is partly why experiencing God is often mystical or ecstatic. In fact, I would go as far to say that many mystical experiences are as much an experience of the reality of kairos as they are of God. Some religious movements and ideas seem to stem from a person or group of peoples’ experience of kairos alone. God’s word always invokes kiaros because it transcends the chronos of our world. Isaiah 40:8 notes, “The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever." Through the cycle of chronos observation and time, stands the unchanging word of God. When God’s time infiltrates our time, things change. Something must give. From forgiveness, to being born again, cleansing, deliverance, revelation, illumination, direction, or His love being shed abroad in our hearts, God’s kairos experience produces magnificent results.

My recent karios moment came unmistakably through God’s direction towards adoption and made no chronos sense whatsoever. We were too young for China, we did not have the anticipated future savings or salaries, and we still had another natural child in the plans. All we knew was that this was what God wanted and we had a peaceful excitement about the near future. We had a naïve curiosity concerning how God would make a way to adopt. We were thrilled when we were approved through our agency to adopt. We had filled out the paperwork with humorous abandonment in the area of economic qualifications. It was genially apparent that we had been accepted through grace into America World Adoption’s El Salvador program. This program was one of a handful that we could feasibly accomplish giving the variables of time-in-country, age requirements, and financial cost. In order to cover the initial costs, we sold Amber’s “Hearts on Fire” engagement ring and wedding band to pay for the first installment of adoption expenses. My wife could not bear to look at those expensive rocks while our child was out there somewhere in a foreign country. Now I know that God is moving when my wife enthusiastically sells her best set of diamonds. Soon after, a friend gave a tennis bracelet to sell in order to cover more of the expenses. Again, God was providing as a friend parts with a beautiful piece of jewelry. We were able to pay our first installment to our agency and pay for our home study. Of course, we still had a long way to go to reach the twenty plus thousand price tag. However, we were chipping away.

During this time, we were still enrolled in the El Salvador program. It was becoming apparent that referrals were moving slow. There was a long waiting list for the kids who were available for adoption in this country. During this time, my wife became acquainted with several adoptive families who brought their children home from Ethiopia. This beautiful country and its beautiful people began to make their way into her heart. My wife and I were talking after a morning devotional and she brought up the possibility of adopting from Ethiopia. I confess that I had not considered adopting from Africa for many reasons. One of these reasons was the challenge and controversy surrounding trans-racial adoptions; particularly, white families adopting black children. We talked through many of these issues and we came to the conviction that there were higher governing principles to healthy and loving families than the color of a person’s skin. There are healthy and unhealthy families from many different backgrounds; so a healthy, loving family depends on much more than race and societal obstacles. We were willing to do the extra study and preparation to adopt trans-racially. Besides, there are almost five million orphans in Ethiopia. Unlike our former program, most will never be adopted. It became apparent that God was leading us to Ethiopia. Our future family portraits would simply be a snapshot of the heart of the Gospel. For weeks, I could not talk about this country and the orphans in its borders without pausing to keep from breaking down. God had broken our heart for these children. God had broken our heart for our future child. A couple of months later, our adoption agency stopped accepting applications for the El Salvador program due to international complications. God knew what He was doing in moving our hearts to a different program. Every time another option presented itself, we would openly explore every possibility. Coming back to Ethiopia felt like coming back home. The country and the websites and the pictures brought a warmth and peace to our hearts. It was settled. Ethiopia it was. Now it was time to move forward with the next portion of the adoption process.

During the home study, the social worker asked if we knew of another family who had adopted internationally because they shared our last name. It called to memory an encounter my wife had several years ago. She was in the education supply store, when a woman introduced herself. Through conversation, they both had many similarities. They both loved Christ; both home schooled their children; and they both had a heart for international adoption. She had adopted a girl from China, the same place Amber wanted to adopt. After speaking, they both felt the Lord had put them together for a reason. Amber visited her home once but they lost touch over the years amidst horrendously busy schedules. The social worker that we were working with was the same that Amber’s friend had used to adopt her daughter from China. She was currently in the process of adopting again, using this same social worker for her home study. We thought this was uncanny. Amber called her and left a message in order to share with her our adoption testimony and get some helpful advice and ideas. Besides, it was auspicious to have both chosen the same social worker. Within the first couple of minutes after Amber's friend called her back and without sharing any of our financial needs, she volunteered to pay a signficant portion of the remaining balance. Apparently, she and her husband had a trust fund that was used to help people adopt orphans. For several reasons, they were going to empty it to non-profit organizations and were thrilled to help donate some of those funds towards our adoption. It was apparent that the Lord had orchestrated this years ago. Amber’s friend said that my wife had been on her heart several days before the phone call and that the minute she mentioned adopting from Ethiopia, it was joyfully apparent that she and her husband were going to be significant partners in what Jesus was doing to expand our family.

When Amber walked into the bedroom to tell me what had happened, I felt the providence of God. I understood why he fortuitously devastated our chronos plans and I was thrilled that we had been obedient to His guiding hand. God truly knows what He is doing. In addition to this, we received an offer via mail to refinance our home we bought less than a year ago with a VA loan. The refinance was at a 5% fixed interest rate for 30 years. The refinance is saving thousands of dollars in the long run and freeing up several thousand dollars in escrow refunds and skipped payments. I had never even heard of an interest rate this low on a 30 year mortgage, and yes, it is legit with no PMI. We stand at awe at these "uncanny" events. This refinance provided the rest of the needed funds. Recently, our appointment with the FBI for our background check came back in record time. Lo and behold, our appointment falls on a day where I already had vacation scheduled for no specific reason. Again, I stand in awe of God. At this rate, our referral should be coming very soon. Of course, our story is far from over.

Through this process, Isaiah 55:11 has become more vivid than in times past. It reads, “So is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.” God’s word came in a kairos moment and it has been actively accomplishing the purpose for which He spoke. His word delightfully changed our hearts along with all of our former chronos plans. Many of the purposes for all these events wait to be realized and perhaps only eternity will tell the entire tale. I do know that we have an exciting “birthing” process unfolding to share with our daughter. This process has been as special and exciting as any natural birth. God’s Word in the scripture is a “lamp to our feet and a light for our path” (Psalm 119:105). We have found this also includes the personal direction He gives us through His Spirit. His words have been a light and lamp in an unplanned and uncharted territory. It is apparent He knows where He is going even when we don’t. So goes our chronicle of Love in this adoption tale. We look forward to perpetually sharing this lifetime tale of practicing “true religion” with many. May it be a living epistle as we demonstrate our own story of redemption through the adoption of our daughter. We look forward to continually demonstrating God's love to her just as God continually demonstrates His love to us. I will close with Romans 8:38, "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present or the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Jesus Christ our Lord." God’s love has truly overcome tremendous obstacles to bring this Mississippi boy and his Louisiana family to an unexpected country to bring home our little girl during this “special” time for adoption.