My First Adoption Dream!

Disclaimer: Although I loved this dream so much, it is, admittedly, very weird! :)
I awoke this morning to such a beautiful feeling. I had my first adoption dream. It all started with Clayton and I taking a spontaneous trip to the country. We had to leave our boys with no warning and that was a really bad feeling. When we pulled up to this old, but beautiful country home, many people were there. It looked like a party was going on. Once we entered the place, we immediately noticed that all the people there were much older. We felt weird (being uninvited and the youngest there and knowing no one). To our shock and disbelief, in walks Paula Deen (okay, this is where it gets really weird. You need to understand how much I loooooove Paula Deen!). She is throwing some kind of food tasting party and she is serving us!!! We ate and ate and ate-all my southern faves. While we were eating, we were listening to the sagacious wisdom of all the older couples around us. It was awesome. Suddenly, a man approaches us and asks if we are seeking to adopt. We are in awe as to how he would know this, but we confirmed that, indeed, we were in the adoption process. He looked very serious and said that he had a little girl for us to meet. Her mother was very sick and she would die soon. They wanted to keep them together until her death, but her mother's heart's desire was to find a home for her child after her death. We instantly KNEW that this was the child we were meant to have. They brought her to us and I woke up just before I saw her face.
Any Freudian buffs out there who care to analyze? :)

The Strength of Mercy

I am reading a book by Jan Beazley, entitled "The Strength of Mercy." I have torn through it in record time because the story is so inspiring and fascinating. She is the founder of All God's Children International and she is writing about her adoption journey to her daughter, Hannah. It is particularly moving because I think my family (as well as almost every other family I know) feels that our adoption story is providential and hers certainly is. One especially poignant description she uses is the similarity between God and a master needle pointer. Just as someone skilled in the difficult nuances of needlepoint joins many threads and points together from seemingly chaotic ends of the canvas; our Lord weaves people, places, circumstances, governments, time periods, etc. together from seemingly nonsensical, inconsequential points of the world. And just as the needlepoint expert creates a stunningly beautiful masterpiece at the end of her endeavors, so our God creates the perfect masterpiece at the end of His.
Nya, our Lord loves me and He loves you. He loves your birth parents, and He loves your family here. Your father and I chose long ago to serve the Lord all the days of our lives. We belong to Him and He has ordained you for our family. Nothing is out of His hands. This time that is spent waiting for your beautiful soul to come into our family, is for a great purpose. We will be ready when the time comes. We are so blessed to be able to help you fulfill your destiny. We love you, darling.
-Mommy

You may have noticed...

I deleted our dossier tracker. That is simply because... IT IS ON ITS WAY TO AWAA!!!!!!!! Yahoooooo!!! For those of you who are not involved in the adoption realm, this celebratory attitude may seem odd. For those of you in the adoption realm- well, you know what a momentous day this is! It boils down to this: we are done paperchasing and now we are waiting on our little girl to come into our lives. Hopefully, in the next week or so I will get confirmation that our paper baby is on its way to Ethiopia. I will keep you posted. When I mailed off this paper representation of my LIFE, I felt oddly nervous. It was like sending a part of me away. I think it is the only tangible tie I had to Nya and it felt weird to let it go. However, I can not tell you how happy we are. We celebrated with a family lunch at Chick-Fil-A. It seemed fitting- it is our boys' favorite place to go and Clayton and I have had many conversations about Nya in that place. I hope we can take her someday soon.
-Amber

Wooohooo!

Mailing the COMPLETED dossier to the SOS today. It should be back by the end of the week/beginning of next week at the latest and then off to AWAA. Oh Happy Day!

Great News!

I got very nervous yesterday and had the sneaking suspicion that something was wrong with the paperwork for USCIS. So, I had to jump through rings of fire (so it seemed) to find the number to an actual human being who could answer my burning question: Is my paperwork being processed? Unfortunately, I was directed to an email address where all PAPs in my region are supposed to send their questions. So, I did that and I must admit I did it with a very BAD attitude! I actually thought: "I probably won't get a response and even if I do it will probably be next week!" Where is the faith? Not 10 minutes later I get an email back stating that our application has been PROCESSED and APPROVED and should be here in a FEW DAYS!!!!! YAY! That means I will be DONE with my dossier and it will go to the Secretary of State for authentication and then off to AWAA. Happy Day!

The Blessing is in the Waiting?

I am writing today out of frustration. Okay, I promised myself when I began this journey that I would not complain the whole way through. I was aware that adoption is lengthy and it would be a long while before I held my child in my arms. As time wears on, though, I find myself growing anxious and frustrated. Today was "the straw that broke the camel's back," so to speak, in that there was supposed to be a "Waiting Child List" released from my agency and I have heard rumor that this is not happening, for now at least. Why, you may wonder, did this hit me so hard? Perhaps it is because I can not get information in a timely manner from many officials, agencies, and personnel who hold the fate of my adoption in their hands. Perhaps it is because I have grown weary from fighting tooth and nail to get simple documents signed and returned. Or perhaps it is because I have no doctors appointments, ultrasounds, and blossoming belly to mark the progression of my journey to Nya and thus making it more real. More likely, however, it is because I suppose I am hoping to see Nya in one of those pictures (and perhaps another child as well) and have that moment of knowing that this is my child no matter what! Or maybe I am just impatient and getting angry is at least doing something! I don't know...
Today I pray this prayer of Paul's. I pray it for myself and for anyone who is reading this and can identify with my plight:
"And we pray this that you might live a life worthy of the Lord, and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened in in all power according to His glorious might, so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light." Col 1:10-12