When Faith is Lived

I rarely post theological musings on this blog for two main reasons: 1.) It is intended to be an adoption blog informing our friends and family about our journey. 2.) I am not qualified, nor do I believe you, dear reader, would be interested in, my theological beliefs! :) Because, however, I am a Christian who endeavors to live incarnationally, my theology is part of who I am and all I do. I'm telling you honestly, this adoption journey has rocked my theological world. If you ever want to test what you're really made of, take this journey!
I have learned a lot about myself in the past year, and most of it hasn't been pretty. I'm pretty selfish, autonomous to a fault yet strangely needy simultaneously, cowardly, and fake, to name a few. I have been ashamed of myself throughout this process, as the Lord exposed these and other sins in my heart and mind.
The bright side? As I have decreased, the Lord has increased within me. He didn't leave me exposed and hopeless. He continues to redeem my weaknesses and change me (slowly but surely) into a person reflecting more of Him.
The Lord has changed the direction of this adoption so many times: breaking down racial barriers, timing issues, financial roadblocks, pre-conceived notions, and "family planning" norms! In other words, He has left us in the dark but for a small candle to see what's right in front of us and no more! That probably doesn't sound too theologically correct, but it is. The Lord has not given us a "buffet" of options layed out appealingly before us, and set us free to choose as our hearts desire. My hunch is that He is aware that we would muck it up big time if He did! From the choosing of our agency, to the choosing of our program, to the choosing of our age range, to the choosing of our number of children, to the choosing of it all, He has said "Yield!" He has thrown us so many curveballs, that I get dizzy thinking about it. At times, we have been like the disciples, crying "Increase our faith!" because it is scary to not know how it will all play out. I am positive the Lord marvels at our lack of understanding and faith, as He did the disciples'; after all, we have walked with Him a long time. How can we not trust?
In a few glorious moments, I find that we break through and live our faith. We walk boldly before our Lord and offer ourselves as empty vessels, prepared to carry out His perfect will. When our faith is lived, things become remarkably simple. God told us to do it, He will make it right in the end. We simply obey. That's where we are right now. In fact, I feel like we have made a mistake praying for Nya all these months by name. We don't know who the Lord has in store for our family. Our new prayer is for our children- whether they are one or two, boy or girl, newborn or adolescent. When faith is lived, all things become gloriously possible with our God!